Cliché is my favourite word                                                                                                 
          synaesthesia is my favourite concept. 
Your face scares me 
               I try not to think about it.
A person without a face
               is a body, any body. 
I think I’m attracted to your body. 
when you raised your left hand 
to take off your sweater
I glimpsed a triangle of skin
                                             the thought of your skin 
                                             stirred water inside me, 
                                             between my guts and my lungs 
                                             a deep, rooted sadness, 
                                             five shades bluer than your eyes
                                                                                           It takes the form of a false syllogism; 
                                                                                           lust makes me cry
                                                                                           porn makes me sad 
                                                                                           lust is ultramarine not crimson
                                                        for now you are cerulean
                                                        kind of like your eyes
                                                        this is dangerous thinking 
                                                        the Idea that I have in mind
But your teeth are lovely… so, I am 
        attracted to the Idea (of) – you. 
Because you are the Idea now
              your face scares me gutless.
Because it is unattainable 
             lust is five shades bluer than your eyes.
Because you have blue eyes
              my hands will never touch your face                                                                    
              

Originally published on Phi Magazine:
The Sin Issue, Summer 2020

Art by Wayan Chan